Just kidding — I prefer my technology on the outside. But for those of you who like it the other way, I’ve got an interesting product to share. (drumroll, please) May I present the amazing, incredible, remote-controlled, Astrea 1 Vibrating Briefs.

Okay, so we usually don’t cover “intimate accessories,” but since we are about everything remote control, I feel a little obligated to take this one on. Here goes.

The Astrea 1 Vibrating Briefs include a pair of underwear and a small massage unit — and that massage unit comes with its own remote control. Yes, these panties do exactly what you think they do, and before I get a flustered explaining, let me pass the torch to the experts:

“Apparel at its most intimate! Tucked into the lining of these saucy lace briefs is a quiet, removable little massager that you (or an exceptionally trustworthy companion!) operate by remote control … One sizes fits most adults.”

Yes, even when it seems we have seen every remote control imaginable, along comes something to surprise. But lest you think this is a light-hearted jaunt, let me say that the remote control has an operational range of up to 12 feet, so you can reach out and touch someone from the other side of the party. Maybe it’s Bluetooth equipped — the “literature” isn’t particularly explicit (on that feature, anyway). And supposedly the vibrating effect is discrete, although given how often I hear other people’s phones vibrate, I hope that’s true. Or maybe those aren’t phones I hear…

Anyway, I’m no expert on these things, but maybe with the Astrea Vibrating Briefs you won’t have to pretend anymore like Sally: